Generally this blog has been used to air out and make sense of some of the musings that I may just happen to have swirling around my head. I write because I hope someone feels what i feel and may understand that they're not alone in this great big world. I know it sounds hokey, but that's my reason for being here and I'm sticking to it.
In my head, I almost perish the thought of saying it, or even typing it. As if I avoid either speech or the written word, it is as if it didn't happen. But it did. Last week, my mother passed away.
From the inside, I can tell you that there are so many emotions that charge through your being. The first being disbelief. The doctor told us that there was nothing more that could be done and nothing more that she could be given. He didn't expect for her to last the hour, but she did. She lasted all the way through Mother's Day and the next morning she left this world to begin the next.
I don't know how I'm supposed to make sense of it all. This is my mother. She's the strength and the rock of our small intimate family unit. I used to see her everyday when she came home from the hospital and I made her lunch while she was getting back on her feet and now she's gone. It's just so heartbreaking when you have someone who's lived and great life, inspired so many people to face their greatest fears and succeed, someone who did it the right way and somehow managed to raise my crazy ass is gone. I can never go to the house and see her anymore. I can't call her. I can't write to her. I'm just a boy who misses his mother.
I'm fighting so hard to put on a brave face because that is what my sister and my father need right now. Mom was fully aware of her mortality and she in turn wrote down every detail regarding what to do after her demise. It was so hard to push through that letter. She knew exactly how we would take it as a family. She demanded that we stay focused, smile and remember her.
You never really know just how big of an impact your mother had on this Earth until she leaves it. It is so hard to listen to over 300+ people both friends and family tell you how much she meant to them. How she inspired them to be better people. How she changed their lives. How much she cared for everyone. My mother was no saint, but she was incredibly close. It wasn't a matter of being righteous. It was a matter of being honest. She spoke in blunt truths, but every single morsel of that honesty was out of love.
In my head, I almost perish the thought of saying it, or even typing it. As if I avoid either speech or the written word, it is as if it didn't happen. But it did. Last week, my mother passed away.
From the inside, I can tell you that there are so many emotions that charge through your being. The first being disbelief. The doctor told us that there was nothing more that could be done and nothing more that she could be given. He didn't expect for her to last the hour, but she did. She lasted all the way through Mother's Day and the next morning she left this world to begin the next.
I don't know how I'm supposed to make sense of it all. This is my mother. She's the strength and the rock of our small intimate family unit. I used to see her everyday when she came home from the hospital and I made her lunch while she was getting back on her feet and now she's gone. It's just so heartbreaking when you have someone who's lived and great life, inspired so many people to face their greatest fears and succeed, someone who did it the right way and somehow managed to raise my crazy ass is gone. I can never go to the house and see her anymore. I can't call her. I can't write to her. I'm just a boy who misses his mother.
I'm fighting so hard to put on a brave face because that is what my sister and my father need right now. Mom was fully aware of her mortality and she in turn wrote down every detail regarding what to do after her demise. It was so hard to push through that letter. She knew exactly how we would take it as a family. She demanded that we stay focused, smile and remember her.
You never really know just how big of an impact your mother had on this Earth until she leaves it. It is so hard to listen to over 300+ people both friends and family tell you how much she meant to them. How she inspired them to be better people. How she changed their lives. How much she cared for everyone. My mother was no saint, but she was incredibly close. It wasn't a matter of being righteous. It was a matter of being honest. She spoke in blunt truths, but every single morsel of that honesty was out of love.
