Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Darian's Food Theory...Part 2

And so my wacky eating habits continue, as I actually find myself observing how I eat when I'm alone in the car or the break room. I know, I know. I'm nuts, and the insanity continues.

I've recently found myself buying and eating Pop-Tarts again. Considering my 45 to 60 minute drive into work, I could eat a lot worse! Well with eating those beloved rectangular pastries, I find myself falling into old habits.

Because of it's shape and Crust, Pop Tarts fall into the "Sandwich" category along with Regular Meat Based Sandwiches on White Bread and Uncrustables. For the uninformed, Uncrustables are a lovely sandwich from Smuckers that basically stamps the heart out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a small single pack. Thaw out the package and **poof** you have a lovely sandwich to enjoy. Like the Pop-Tart, I eat the crust first and then eat the middle.

So yes, I "uncrust" Uncrustables.

I've also have a new theory to add to my long list of Food Theories: The Pound Rule.

When I'm indulging on a nice back of snack chips, out of the public eye, I organize them according to how much flavor powder is on each chip. You know what I mean when I say flavor powder, right? Think back to that last bag of Doritos or any flavored chip. There's a certain amount of magical, flavorful, pixie dust brought by the food fairies to add to the deliciousness of the product.

It started in elementary school when I used to eat Sour Cream and Onion, Ripple Cut potato chips on top of my Tuna Sandwich, but I would sort them to make sure the most heavily powdered chips ended up on my sandwich.

Every once in a while, this compulsion resurfaces, and I must organize the chips, but I discovered the last time I at Wheat Thins, this rule did not apply. Mainly because the folks at Nabisco know how to fully cover the cracker in flavor powder to make sorting them futile and pointless. This is where the Pound Rule comes into play.

The Pound Rule states, "When a company earns the privilege to have their snack cracker or chip enjoyed, and they have proven, bag after bag, or box after box, that the flavor powder distribution is approaching the saturation levels deemed acceptable, you have a license to pound the product into oblivion."

Now the "Pound Rule" will never, ever, include Doritos.  I have a love-hate relationship with Doritos.  The flavor fairies are so kind with Doritos, and the powder is amazing, but the inconsistency from chip to chip drives me nuts.  Frito-Lay, MAKE UP YOUR MINDS.  Don't pile on the powder, and then give me barely a taste on the very next chip.  This is part of the reason why I don't eat them anymore: takes WAY too long to sort them and then eat them.  

Another exception to the "Pound Rule" is Combos.  I actually crack open that lovely cracker or pretzel cylinder and separate the cracker from the filling.  Believe it or not...I've met 2 other people that eat them the same way.  I know, I know.  The patients are running the asylum, but they seem so nice, and the medicine is great!