I recently went to a club for my older Sister's birthday, and I was completely flummoxed by the new menu being offered to men in the club. I couldn't imagine being single nowadays because I would probably get less play than High School and College combined, which was few and far between. Anyway, here's the list:
- The "Everything BUT the Pole" dancer - This is a woman who dances as suggestively as possible, and actually poses for pictures for the pervs that brought their Camera-Phone. She wears next to nothing and is also known as "the complete ho bag" of the group. Studies have shown that you can actually contract a venereal disease, just by watching.
- The "Drunk Chick" - She desperately wants to be the dancer chick referenced above, but unfortunately she started drinking 7:30 this morning. She has no short term memory or tolerance for anything she's drinking. Tends to sound like James Earl Jones the morning after.
- The Girl with the "Hypothetical Boyfriend" - This is a girl I've run into very often. She has a boyfriend, but not really. She probably more attractive than the previous 2, but she's untouchable because her "Hypothetical Boyfriend" is standing guard ready to strike if you show the slightest interest in "his girl." If you're UFC fighter or have a high tolerance for getting your ass kicked, she's the girl for you.
- Supa Ho - This is the evolution of the "Everything BUT the Pole" dancer. She is the Jedi Knight of Hos, complete with light saber and hooker heels. Her job is to upstage every pole dancer in the club, but specifically targets committed men.
- Delusional Girl - This is a girl that actually believes that you can find a "good man" in a club. She falls "in love" with the first guy that is sober enough to pay attention to her and would love to go back to this gentleman's apartment to "talk" but is derailed by...
- Mother Hen - She's less attractive than Delusional Girl and is her best friend. She's also the grenade...wait...nuke that your best wingman would have to jump on and appease in order for you to get to Delusional Girl. Unfortunately, the chorus of "We ARRIVED together, We LEAVE together" is joined by...
- Sour Girl - Who also sings the chorus of "My friend's dragged me here!" I REALLY HATE clubs!" There's no real reason why this girl showed up to the club other than she is a sheep that just follows the crowd. She also makes it a point to never reveal who true feelings to the chums that "dragged" her to the club. Secretly, she's glad to be there.
Surely this isn't an exhaustive list, but it's a nice start.