Friday, June 24, 2011

And the hits just keep on coming...

I vacillated about coming back to this blog. However if a blog can do anything it's to get your feelings out on paper. Talking my way through different situations and getting a little help from what readers I have left.

So I'm back now for good. I'm going to make it a point to make sure and update this blog on a more regular basis. Especially since, yet another life changing monkey-wrench has gummed up the works yet again. SEPARATION.

I can honestly tell you that I didn't see this coming. T has developed feelings for someone else and she didn't feel comfortable revealing his identity, and being married to me was "too hard." According to her, "...we don't have any kids, so this should be the easy part." Hmm... interesting, because, last I checked, when have quite a few friends with no kids, and marriage is no cakewalk for them.

I'm sorry this update is so behind the curve, but this has been my reality since the end of March. From March to about mid-May, we've been living in the same house, in 2 separate rooms and in 2 separate beds. Last week marked the one month mark that I've been on my own.

The last time I saw her before that was the week before I was set to move out and she chose to stick with "Our" vacation plans and went to the timeshare in Virginia Beach. I was waiting for the day for a time when she would eventually need to talk to me which occurred via text message. There were leftover bills from the house that we're set to "short sell" in May but instead of splitting them evenly as planned, she decided to take the stand of justifying her way out of paying her half with incidental bills like lawn care of the old house.

Most of our exchanges go down like a drug deal. It feels weird, awkward, prickly and overall just not good. It's like I almost needed a shower after our feeble attempts and well wishes and stifled conversation. There's no "Hello!" or "Hi!" or other typical pleasantries. If feels more like a strange sitcom like continuation of a horrible exchange with a bookmark of ickyness.

Her reasons for leaving hasn't changed. Her vapid response to anything I say to her has continued. And yet, she wants to be friends. She talked about that several times before her admission. And I don't need anymore friends. I'm not in that place in my life where I need more friends.

Is being single hard? HELL YES! Especially when one has been off the market for 10 years. Many things have changed and everything is different. Is it going to be a little weird? Yes! Is it going to be very awkward? Certainly! Are you along for the ride? Get Ready.