Friday, June 1, 2012

Moving On and Looking Back

Now since my separation, it's been a bit rough adjusting to flying solo again. As a single lad in 2001, I was quite the shy chickensh*t when it came to approaching women. Best example of that is my Senior Year High School Year Book. Looking at some of those missives from the ladies, it felt like one missed opportunity after another. Sexually suggestive messages, telephone numbers, confessions of unrequited love...even ADDRESSES!

I guess part of this spring cleaning is out with old me and in with a new me. At first, I wanted to be bad. I guess because I've been an apple polisher my whole life. I always did the right thing. I always said the right thing. I guess being a loyal and loving husband didn't pay off, so why not try the other side?

Looking back now, I'm thinking that wasn't what I was after. Thankfully I put none of those thoughts into action. It's not a matter of being the bad guy as it is to stop being that shy guy that never got the girl. Being the way that I was before I got married, was just a self-centered whiny b*tch. It's easy to grow tired of being the strong, silent type. The "sensitive" guy. None of these approaches managed to keep my marriage together. So why keep trying the same thing?

I was talking to my best friend, S about it yesterday, and I admitted that being single is quite hard, and that I had thought about joining the darkside. His woman, J was convinced that I was still I was still on the "Pain Train", listening to The Cure, wearing all black with matching eyeliner. She might not be too far from the truth...


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